last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
