what day is it and did you see me today?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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