i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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