maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
