guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
