he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
