guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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