What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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