After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
