im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
