I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
