is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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