No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He's a Shit stain on my heart
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
