Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize