Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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