Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
