Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
