If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
