I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He? As in you personified your dick?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
