I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
