wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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