You're completely useless in the revolution.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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