the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
