omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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