Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
