used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
