There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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