i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
