Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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