dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
