So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize