you traded sex for a burrito?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
