I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize