I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
