Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
