If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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