"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
