I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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