I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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