how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
40s are totally the cure
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
