That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i love accidental penises.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize