you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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