when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
The ass gains better be worth it
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