After last night, I could never be a politician.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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