Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
