If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
