My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
