I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize