it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
