Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize