Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
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