Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
