How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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