every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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