I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
