It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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