I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
