Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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