I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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