Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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