Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
