I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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