I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize