Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize