I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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