You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize